look at me

i don't know ..
that it will be very painful
i've tried it
i also run it well
but why the hurt still there
really ..
i felt a pain so deep
i get it again
when i know that it's not useful anymore
i did it again

when I knew that it hurt me anymore
am i wrong?
i want to be with
i want to feel the same way
but i'm always left out
i'm jealous
i'm ashamed
i'd give anything
please ..
tell me what should i improve?
why just shut up and smile like nothing happened to me?
please, say ..
i wait 
don't hurt me anymore